I’m exhausted. These last two weeks have been physically and emotionally draining. Last week was stomach flu and this week it’s a wicked middle ear infection. This week isn’t as bad as last week but I’m so exhausted and stressed about money I’m losing my shit.

It all began with my son waking in the middle of the night and barfing four times between 3am and 6am. Poor little guy puked all over himself and every furry friend in his bed.

Fast forward 2 days and now we are both puking and shooting diarrhea out our backsides in a way that can only be compared to a waking nightmare.

I’m cleaning puke and watery shit out of clothes in the bathtub because I’m too violently ill to walk to the community laundry room and I’m worried the bile will eat through them before I’m well enough to wash them for real.

Here’s a snapshot for you. Me on my knees violently heaving into the toilet with a two year old boy climbing up the back of my legs digging his heels into my quads and I can’t even ask him to stop between the stomach cramps.

Fast forward to the next day and Baby Daddy is calling me and texting me that he refuses to be served the petition for the parenting plan or pay child support, meanwhile I’m missing work and have used up all my PTO between family illness and court appointments. The cherry on top: I missed a court appointment to reinstate the temporary no contact order because of the raging puke plague in my apartment.

Fast forward to night before last and new symptoms crop up consisting of a cough and inconsolable crying. He’s saying “huwt” but can’t express where. Another day off for a trip to the doctor later and I’m told I will also be missing the next day because my contagious toddler can’t go to daycare.

I’ve barely slept in weeks, tomorrow it’s Easter and today Baby Daddy’s mom texts me they won’t be at Easter and refuse to see my kid because his half brother doesn’t want to see him. They haven’t spent time with him since before Christmas. It’s so obvious to me that they have mentally listed him as the red-headed stepchild that there is a palpable disgust so thick I could choke on it.

I am now losing my composure. The idea of my son being treated like a second class bastard is the last straw. I text her back saying how offensive it is and tell them I’m done with the whole paternal side of their God-damned family.

My head is figuratively exploding like a dying star and I LOSE MY SHIT COMPLETELY.

I spent the hour my kid was napping sobbing like a premenstrual teenage girl desperately wishing there was anyone I could lean on for some emotional support.

Now I’m even more exhausted because of crying so hard. I feel alone, hated, miserable, impatient and beaten. I feel like I can’t fucking take it anymore.

All I want in the whole world is to go to bed and stay there until God himself commands me to get up. My eyelids feel like they are made of oily tissue paper and my soul feels dirty. I feel resentful and stepped on.

Get over it. This is your life.