It’s about a week until our 6th Aniversary. I’m going to Alki beach to say goodbye and send you a lantern. I’ll send another on your birthday, and another on father’s day. I will do this twice a year with Z for the rest of my life. I will tell him all the good stories while he’s young and as he gets older we will get deeper into the rest of the truth.
I love you. I miss you and I wish you were still here. I have I feeling I will be writing you letters for the rest of my life too. Even though you’re not present on this plane I have a niggling suspicion you’re still getting them. Maybe that’s just craziness to comfort me but there are things in this life that give me pause and hope and belief.
I believe in God, and the universe and the endless possibilities within it. I think this belief is what carries us to the next life. I know that God is merciful and that you were sick and just the type of soul that needed saving. I believe that my love for you may even make you a brighter light in God’s eye.
I miss you because I’m selfish. I miss you for our son because I really hoped you would beat this for him even though I never wanted to admit it to myself out of fear of disappointment. I miss you because I love you so much and I always did, and I always will. I’m sorry for hurting you S. I’m sorry for letting you down.
Just Another Single Mother 