I dreamed of you last night for the 2nd time. The first was a week or two ago. Then I dreamed we were arguing and you were about to storm off. I think we were on the light rail and the station at the same time. You were furious at me for something and I couldn’t quite see you. There were people in the way and you were halfway out the trains door. Then a man who looked like a drug addict bolted towards me like he was going to barrel me over. He was skinny and white with a dirty blonde crew cut and a meth face. He was wearing a puffy jacket. He was in a rage, but you stopped him. He had a knife and he was going to kill me but you stopped him and he stabbed you and killed you instead. I stood there in shock knowing you were dead laying there in s pile of blood in a big coat. I could barely see you. All I could think was that you did love me and that you died to save me.

Last night was different. I dreamed I was following you around because you were on the brink of death and I was desperate to be with you when you died. I wanted to lay with you and hold you. I could smell the death on you but I didn’t care. We were at this camper or old trailer. There were people there for your death but I was only barely aware of them. Johanna from my work was talking to you and you asked her to lay with you but I gave her a look that told her she better get the fuck away from you and she said she couldn’t. Then I said I’d lay with you. At one point you were standing in the doorway of the white trailer facing out. I was out in the yard like 12 feet away and there was tall shaggy green grass and a fence and weeds in the yard. You were wearing a light t shirt and jeans.  It was early in the morning before the sun came up and it was cloudy. You fell rigidly, flat onto your face into the wet grass. I ran to you and turned you over to see if you were alive. You were weak and I could smell the death on you. You were pale and could barely open your eyes or speak. I asked you if you were dying and you said yes. I held you close and asked you to please stay with me. I asked you to try really hard not to die. You said ok. Somehow I got you in the trailer and was going to lay with you. I was scraping charcoal from a can to save you. You seemed to be feeling better. I started to hope you’d live.